I am thinking particularly about how we have found so many ways to explain our conflicts, intractable situations and lack of spiritual vitality. We have come up with style, personality, tradition, experience as explanations - which make it acceptable for people to part ways, divide, or worse, outrightly fight ugly.

The world has given us a solid picture of how awry we can get when we believe God to be our side - suicide bombers are so totally out of their mind we decry.

Yet, can it be that underneath many of the real and ‘explainable’ differences, issues and struggles lurk something deeper: sin. It’s not unthinkable that pride, self-righeousness, insecurity and fear, unbridled anger and unforgiveness are the energies behind many of our issues and malaise.

If so, we have a wonderful recourse for God’s Grace and glory to manifest - if we are willing to admit one to another, confess our sins.. even as leaders…to each other because God’s glory and His love constraints us. Rather than hide behind all the respectable reasons we can summon, would not a raw contemplation and bold acknowledgement of sin be a far better conduit? What if God’s glory shows up at precisely those moments of truth-speaking-in-love? What if revival breaks out?

At what price have we maintained our personal, corporate and tradition’s ‘dignity’?

What has happened to the powerful Grace of God, the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, and the strength and mission of Christ? At the heart, have we survived, strategised and striven according to our human ability? What of the power that breaks forth through earthern vessels?

If feels good that we are okay with each other. But that is not the same as loving each other, staying the distance, praying and humbling ourselves for growth that only God gives because the hearts can carry it and the lives can speak it.

I suppose we are at the edge of falling over a precipice (a sense we have had for the last two years - we are resistant to tipping over, losing control) - where we say “It’s all about Him” and nearly understand it.

Because - so little is left in us and can be summoned that we know and know it is all Calling and Grace co-mingled.  And we fear: we fear we dilute this potent combination by adding effort, strife, and the all-present danger of failing to keep company enough with Him.

For the sake of His name, our integrity, and the flock - please  pray for us. Pray for all pastors who endeavour to follow the Call and lean on the Grace. That we hear, follow and trust well.

Blessings as you follow the Great Shepherd !

The idea was always there within us. The dream, the thoughts, the longing. We stayed and worked and learnt…accepting, rejecting, refusing, celebrating…the wonder known to us as The Church, the Bride of Jesus Christ.

We have been through heady excitement, deep pain, frustration, attachment, detachment.. but still, we know nothing can fully prepare us for this. It’s a vast unknown. Yet thanks be to God that we are embracing this as a gift- to learn to trust deeper, to listen harder, and yes, to work at it all over again…

Please pray with us and send along any encouragement.  Thank you.

PS. for a glimpse of the DNA and heartbeat of the new church, please visit www.birthinganewchurch.com

But we never get used to it. And we should not. Pain is of course the sign of being in this world - tangled in its sinful structures and our sinful ways.

But there is a pain specific to those who serve God full-time that is like an inside story. It often comes and blindsides us: criticism, opposition, betrayal, lack.

From ourtight persecution to ministry messes, this pain strikes at the core of who we are: servants of God. It strikes hard because it hurts at the deepest possible level. The shock, agony and injury goes deep. We may be led to question if it’s all worth it. Some turn tails and run. Others mop and wallow…and end up with very distorted visions of self and of life.

We become suddenly sensitized to all kinds of pain: injustice, wickedness, malice…. and they hurt us afresh. We feel unsafe, even hunted - by questions, doubts, shadows, self-recrimination, anger, blame… and the familiar enemy comes close with his suggestions and accusations in blue-ray effect.

O God! where are you?

The Psalmist has cried this.

And if we care to imagine, our famous Bible people from Abraham to Paul must have uttered this at same time.

We learn afresh God’s ways and God’s Word. That his ways are higher become a fresh revelation.

We recognise afresh our pride, sinfulness, and hardness of heart. Our lack of faith, hope and love - the trio of endurance.

What do to but to cry out to God until all tears are spent. Until the LORD says, ‘get up’, as He did to David or Joshua or Moses. There is a time to cry, rant and suffer frustration. In the long dark days, God carries us through this valley of the shadow of death (death of a dream, vision, hope, team)..and brings us out to the other side.

But we must walk this valley road with Him or we may meander off to false oases and lose our destiny and experience of GOD Himself.

I do not fear reversals and reprisals as much these days. The few valleys I have had to go through shows me that God is great and good. After all, we are not good to the core. After all, my best intentions are always tainted. So God has every right to put me through a flood and a fire. For He is after the man more than the mission. He is after my heart more than my hands. He is after me. And i am humbled that God himself would pursue me so. And He does it with incredible patience. As i roil about in my pain; I am aware Abba is in the wings, watching and waiting…

In my hopelessness and helplessness, loss and pain, God can become more.

In fact I suspect that as the Bride is being readied, we can expect more. Our brethren being persecuted to point of death go through a different fire from us. But it’s still the same fire of the same consuming God.

We still don’t welcome pain. We must do everything to check our hearts and live in purity and serve with humility. But we will never as God’s servants - His choice instruments - be spared this specific pain of ministry. It is called the pain of following the Eternal, Transcendent God.

we hate to queue. we dont want to wait to grow. we expect God to intervene - now - to change the person, adjust the situation, overtake the conflict…

an old hymn has a line that goes: “unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see…”

but no, we dont want for revelation. we grasp for understanding, insight, breakthrough, solution.. we want to mximise everything within range.

so we build, organise, evaluate, review, tear apart…such that instead of

-accountability and mutual honour, our leadership structures generate distrust

- full hearted, embodied worship we get a war of words, ideas that divide and distort what worship is truly about

- enjoying our journey with Jesus we agonise and swing from guilt to licence; one minute we are too strit with ourselves, the next we lax and drift.

- giving God and each other space to work for maturity and growth, we judge and stymie the very growth with our harsh expectations

If we can take a leaf from the environmental degradation around us… it is our desire to maximise that has distorted and destroyed the wondrous gifts God has given us. We cut rivers, chop entire forests, spew chemicals..when water, trees and growth and organic, natural processes God has designed!

What are the natural organic processes God has designed for the church to fluorish? Loving each other, using and planning according to our spiritual gifts, helping each other to be transparent, speaking the truth in love, and waiting together under the banner of God’s love for Him to act and move… the critical and foundational function that we must each cling to and receive sustenance from the Vine (and the fruit comes)..

We need organisation. We need to plan, forecast, dream, and of course envision - for God’s Kingdom requires imaginative, creative engagement. But we must not get so impatient that we plan the Life out of things and introduce death as a result.

Just as we are now discovering that we can cooperate and flow with nature; it’s about time the church discover how to flow with the Spirit, obey the Word, and stand amazed at God’s Kingdom revealing itself!